Historia
by TheTwins1-2
Summary: Ever since she told them her real name and past, she's been quiet and has been distancing herself from everyone else. What's going on inside her head? Can the others help her? (T for Language)


**AN: I wrote this a while back after reading chapter 52 in reaction to Historia's (Krista's) past. (Bit of OOC later)  
Characters belong to Hajime Iyasama  
**

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**Historia**

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Ever since my so called mother was murdered and my father sent me away, I questioned my existence as well as my past. What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? What did I do to be neglected, to be bullied by others, to spend my entire childhood in isolation? Was I fated for this? Was I a product of a unfortunate event? Am I a... Mistake?

Years gone by and I joined the military, enrolled into the 104th Trainees Squad as Krista Lens. I met many strangle people that day, many who would become my friends. People who show their arrogance, people who aren't sharp, people who eat in the middle of formation, and people who have seen it... The horrors of war. From that day forward, I would risk myself for them. Whether it is breaking the rules set by the instructors or sacrificing my life to save them. For what reason? I myself did not fully realize my intention or wish but a dear friend made it clear for me and scolded me for doing that.

I wish to die and be remembered or be praised. To suicidally charge at death in hopes that I can die in a blaze of glory. Even if it frightens me or makes me cry, I want to be remembered as "that person" or "The girl that did this!" Perhaps I want meaning and purpose to my pitiful life. Maybe it's to differentiate myself in a field of trampled flowers.

Another few years passed, I graduated in the top ten of my class. Our joy and celebration was cut short when history chose to repeat itself. The colossal titan broke the walls once more, letting Hell onto us. It was up to us, the new recruits to stop the titans from getting in. This is where I saw the horrors that affected so many. Most of the recruits broke down from the horror... I could not help them... I didn't know how to.

Many things happened since then but the most memorable moment so far... The moment that decided my future and my life. The night I joined the Scouting Legion was the first decision that my true self made in a long time. I could remember the feeling of horror, fear, and cowardice being conquered by my weak heart. I remember my body trembling... I remember holding back my tears.

Now, the thoughts that haunted my childhood has come back to torment me. Since I revealed my true identity and past to my friends, I felt distant from them. Interacting when chores needed to be done or when someone wrongly accuses my friend Ymir... I have reverted back to my child self, the child that shy away from people my age and stayed quiet. I wonder what do they think of me now?

...

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**Eren**

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Krista or I should say Historia has been quiet and hasn't spoke with us since she revealed her past aside from the moments she spoke out from time to time. I've been meaning to talk to her after my duties but she is never around when I'm finished. With the mission coming up, we need everybody in good shape. Soon enough Corporal Levi assigned the rest of us to fix her. Mikasa, Sasha, Jean, Connie, even Armin failed to bring her up. It's left up to me otherwise Levi or Hange will do something about her.

I opened the door of the dining room and saw her looking down onto the table. I took the seat across from her and spoke. "Hey Kris... Historia. Sorry, I still have to get used to using your real name." She looked up but didn't respond, I could tell that she lost her patience with these counseling sessions.

"As you know, there is a mission coming up and we need everybody in good condition, especially you. You've been depressed since the rescue mission and you haven't spoke with us since you revealed your past. I'm here to help." I explained to her. "Will this end just like the other sessions? Where nothing was accomplished?" She asked coldly.

"I'm going to get something done, I'm not going to leave until you are better." I answered. "And you needed orders from Corporal Levi to talk to me?" She questioned. "I wanted to talk to you before Levi gave his orders." I answered loudly. "Then why didn't you? We could of gotten this over with..." "Because every damn time you fucking disappear!" I shouted at her. Historia went quiet with a saddened expression and stared back down on the table.

"Easy there Eren. Getting angry will only make it worse." I thought, taking a deep breath. "I'm going to be honest and say what I really think. You've had a shit past and your only source of guidance is gone. So what? You can move forward without her help."

"It's not that easy Eren... I'm not strong like you or like everyone else. Even the kind and gentle Krista is stronger than me. I'm just a cowardly girl that is lost without a guide... A girl that is insignificant in this world. I mean if I wasn't born to the Reiss name, would you even care for me?." She responded sadly.

"Yes, I would. I'm not saying that just to be nice, I really mean it. We have trained together for three years, we have struggled, we have fought, we have won and lost battles. You think that I would drop all that just because that wasn't 'you'? Fuck no! You are my friend, I'm not going to abandon you because of that!" I answered loudly. Historia looked at me as I returned a fierce gaze back at her.

"I want you to understand that a kind and gentle girl like Krista will never survive in this world. But you are stronger than her... Stronger than she will ever be. You don't need people to guide you, to tell you who you are, to tell you what to do. You are yourself and nobody can take that away from you." I assured.

"M...May you leave me be for a bit?... I need to absorb what you said." She asked quietly. "Well, that's really on you. Are you feeling better? Will you be okay?" I asked. She nodded with a lightened expression. I got up and headed for the door. "Eren?" I turned to face her. "Thank you." She said shyly. I gave her a smile and left the room.

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**AN: Thank you for reading. There isn't enough text to make two chapters, so I mashed it into one. I felt like this disorganized but I like what I wrote. I hope you enjoyed the story, leave a review to help me improve my writing. -T2**


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